I can tuck mytits in my pants
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
