Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
