Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
