I hate your face
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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