Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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