I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
