Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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