his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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