So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
