I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
