when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
