I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
