Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize