You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
