Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
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