Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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