i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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