Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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