She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
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