Four minutes until I can fart!
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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