you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
