Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize