I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
