WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
