I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
