So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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