Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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