Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
