I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
