I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
How does one acquire holy water?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
