yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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