If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
