just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Boobs are out for the taking
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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