I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
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