I CAN MOONWALK!
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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