and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
