I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Well douche your snatch and let's go!
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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