here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
