I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
