Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
