Already got asked if we're dating
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize