I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
