Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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