do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
He uses pillows to masturbate.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Randomize