remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
