i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
