Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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