we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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