Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
