Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize