Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Randomize
