I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
