He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
