How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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