You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Dignity is for republicans.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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