And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
