I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
