Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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