sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
sex in a hospital.. check
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
