So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
