Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
