You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
