Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
