Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I can tuck mytits in my pants
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
