booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
