I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
